Tuesday, October 21, 2014

The Kiffpocalypse Is Upon Us

So, I'm a pretty big football fan.

Living in Knoxville, you sort of have to be. Otherwise, you'll just think you're surrounded by idiots who love the color orange for fun on Saturdays in the fall.

Five years ago, the University of Tennessee fired long-time, National Championship winning football coach Phil Fulmer.

Fulmer was viewed by many as "past his coaching prime". A graduate and former player of the University of Tennessee, Fulmer left by most accounts as a class-act. Bowing out gracefully and finishing his coaching career in Knoxville with a 152-52 record. (Not bad, right?)

Phil Fulmer with the 1998 National Championship Trophy

Shortly after Fulmer's season ended, the University announced they were hiring Lane Kiffin. A young, boisterous, some might say "pompous" former NFL head coach.

And he was bringing his smokin' hot wife, Layla, with him.

The Kiffins with Mike Hamilton at the introductory press conference
The introductory press conference. Courtesy: KnoxNews.com
What unfolded over the next five years may be the biggest and saddest tale detailing a relationship between a single man in a community you will ever hear.

Immediately upon his hire, Kiffin was a media darling by most accounts.

He accused other conference coaches of breaking NCAA rules. He pushed all the right buttons, claiming that Tennessee's team couldn't wait to sing "Rocky Top" all the way back from Gainesville after beating the Gators (they lost 23-13).

It was a beautiful fit for the local media. Kiffin was the exact opposite of Phil Fulmer so it played well that this young, edgy coach could come in and bring new life to a football program that had gone 11 years since winning a national title.

Heck, shortly after he took the job, he even named his first-born son "Knox", in honor of Knoxville and Knox County, the community he planned to be at "for a long time".
Layla Kiffin with her oldest son Knox
Yes, I could have found a photo of Lane with Baby Knox, but who wants to see him?

Then, it all came crashing down. Seemingly out of nowhere.

After one 7-6 season, Kiffin then made himself the most hated man in East Tennessee. A child of privilege (son of a famous of NFL assistant coach) and carrier of white-swagger. (White swagger is similar to black swagger but funnier) Kiffin couldn't sit outside the bright lights of a major media market for long.

In January 2010, Lane Kiffin hastily left his position as head coach of my community's beloved Tennessee Volunteers football team to take his "dream job" at the University of Southern California.

A Tennessee fans up a "We Hate Lane Kiffin" sign

Chaos reigned the night news broke in Knoxville as students burned mattresses, the community angrily couldn't understand what just hapened and the media attempted to get Kiffin on the record before he got on a private jet bound for Southern Cal.

Seen as cowardice by most, Kiffin turned his back on a community that identifies most with its college football program. All that was left for Volunteer fans as solace was a loss in the Chick-Fil-A bowl and the promise of glory days that Kiffin's leadership never brought to fruition.

Kiffin coached for four years in Los Angeles and probably earned a boatload of money. USC is a private school so you never can figure out exactly how well they compensate most of their employees. Kiff-Daddy finished with a 28-15 record at USC and even won the (then) Pac-10 South in 2011.

the stadium that is home to the University of Southern California Trojans
The home of the USC Trojans in Los Angeles.
But after a 3-2 start in 2013 with a back-to-back conference losses that put him at 4-7 in his most recent 11 games, USC canned him before he boarded the team bus in Tempe, Arizona. Whammy.

For most Tennesseans, it was karma and cause for celebration. This was, after all, proof that God was listening. Kiffin landed his dream job and was fired under ugly circumstances.

They (whomever "they" are) say, "Time heals all wounds".

Moe's Sign in Knoxville - Lane Kiffin Never Heard of Her

But not in SEC country, apparently.

Since USC showed him the door, Kiffin has once again landed a coaching gig. This time in Tuscaloosa, Alabama under Nick Saban as Offensive Coordinator of the powerhouse University of Alabama football team.

This Saturday (October 25) Kiffin will return to Tennessee for what is likely his first time on Appalachian soil since the scent of burning mattresses filled the air on campus.

It's a night game, which is fitting since most Knoxvillians remember Kiffin's departure as happening under the cover of night. (Although, he may have actually flown out with the sun shining).

I would not be surprised if there is an additional police presence around campus for this game. 

Lane Kiffin's image in the Sunsphere
I'm not sure of the original source on this. I'll site @MarkNagi as the source but I don't think it's his.
It's kind of a running joke that the most hated many in Tennessee is a former coach who only lived in the state one year.

However, it's remarkable that after 3 years of Derek Dooley and in Butch Jones' second year as Tennessee's Head Coach there seem to be people who love hating Lane Kiffin as much, if not more than they love Tennessee football.

They wanted to name a wastewater treatment center after the guy, using his name in mudslinging political ads and still have a sour taste in their mouth after the coach left town.

They're even going after Kiffin for the $14 haircut he allegedly didn't pay for before leaving town:

So while most of East Tennessee will be at Neyland Stadium this weekend, pitchforks in hand, I will be in a bomb shelter. (Unless Layla Kiffin is making the trip, then I'll be on campus in a tux).

The Kiffpocalypse is nearly upon us and in a town where college football is king, there is no way this is going to end well.

Canned goods, ammunition and water bottle donations are welcomed.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Homemade Ebola Protection

Seen at Dulles Airport:

Because you never know... :)

I hope that Ebola doesn't get him or her. JC Penny will have lost their last customer.

Stay vigilant and enclosed in whatever garbage bag you can find, my friends.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Living on the Edge - Cigar Style

CAO 'VR' Moby Cigar

Somewhere, someone else is seeing just how close to falling they can get their ash.

It's a fun little game I play with myself.

Sad?  Nah. Just another way to cherish each puff!

The photo above is one of the CAO cigars - the 'VR' Moby. I picked it up over at Cigars City.

I enjoyed it more than I thought I would to be honest. It was much smoother in terms of pepper and spice than I expected, damn near "velvet". It has some Mexican filler tobacco (along with Nicaraguan) and generally when I hear Mexican tobacco I think of a harsh burn that really is going to taste more like budget than smooth sailing. This wasn't the case with this stick. I'm guessing there isn't much Mexican tobacco in the filler mix and it's about 99% Nicaraguan but I'm not certain.

A nice toro stick, it took about 45 minutes to toast start-to-finish. Thinking about bailing out of the office early to go home and see if I can't get in a quick stick before dinner. We'll see, lots to do so I probably shouldn't be blogging!

Friday, October 3, 2014

Ammo Up - 1911 Time (thanks PawPaw)

Thanks to PawPaw for posting about this earlier today.

Apparently Ammo-Man is doing another one of their ammo blowouts. The Black Friday sale they had last year was a pretty good deal but sold out out pretty quickly so be looking for it at about 11 a.m. eastern time and don't bother if you don't see this until noon.

They'll have 45 ACP ammo for about $110 (450 rounds in an ammo can with shipping). Apparently, the ammo will show up at that time and there isn't much of it left and one can per customer limit.

Thanks PawPaw for the heads up!

Friday, September 26, 2014

Espelt Garnacha Review - Spanish Wine

Photographic evidence that I am indeed watching a baseball game.
Lazy Friday night here at the house, catching some baseball (Pirates/Reds) and enjoying a bottle of Spanish Garnacha from the folks at Espelt.

A fairly potent red, this particular variety comes from the Northeast section of Spain. A place I've never been but wouldn't mind visiting. I love the fact that their website loads in Castilian.

Image courtesy: Espeltviticultors.com
I'm not a wine snob but I do enjoy a good glass of red wine. I'm going to try to do a better job of articulating what I like and don't like about various wines. I think it'll help me get out of my comfort zone and routine of drinking Chilean Carmenere nearly every weekend.

I thought about taking this review nice and slow and letting my intellect evaporate as the bottle slowly disappears. Rather, I'll stick to just a pair of glasses while I'm in the cockpit here, keyboard in hand.

Garnacha or Grenache (they're the same thing) are some of the most popular red wine grapes planted in the world. Popular among U.S., French, and Spanish growers these grapes are notorious for coming from awful soil. Take slate and then somehow remove any hint of moisture and that's the type of environment these grapes come from. That strength is evident when you start sipping.

This particular Garnacha is aged for four-months in French Oak and you can taste a bit of that smoky flavor. I'm not a big fan of the smokiness but it definitely helps give a softer, fuller flavor with each sip, which I can appreciate.

The label claims that there are some black fruit aromas and I think I can taste a bit of that. It's fairly smooth without a ton of bite. With some cabernet sauvignon I definitely get a sharpness to the taste that I'm not a big fan of.

Somebody dripped right down the front of the label.
This isn't the best wine I've ever tasted but it's certainly not the worst. Worth jumping out of my comfort zone and a good wine for fall. If pairing with food, I'd suggest holding off for when you first start to feel a little bit of bite in the air and the start of fall.

This wine would pair well with a pork roast and either beef or pork stew. Given the alcohol content (14%), you definitely need a food pairing that can hold it's own against the mighty Garnacha.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Globe Life Park in Arlington - A Review

I had the chance to check out the Texas Rangers relatively new ballpark over the weekend on a rainy Friday night in Arlington, Texas.

Globe Life Park in Arlington

In the shadows of Jerryworld, the new football stadium, Globe Life Park is a huge structure in and of itself.

Really, it was a great place to watch a ballgame despite the weather and despite a lackluster hometown crowd that came out in support of a team more than dozen games out of a playoff spot with less than a month to play in the season. In other words, a beautiful place to watch what was a bad baseball team play in horrible weather.

With seating for a few more than 48,000 fans, the stadium itself is gorgeous with arches along the outside facade and a very clean interior. Our seats, positioned in the second deck of the stadium were great and allowed us to catch every pitch as well as see the entire field.

Oh, and our tickets were $6/seat thanks to a good find on StubHub.com (face value ~$70).

The view from our second row seats in the "Lexus Club" section of Globe Life Park.

We started out the night with a quick walk into the stadium. The area around the ballpark is beautiful with a nice youth diamond as well as a ton of green space with a little waterway that sets you up for what you'll find inside.

It would have been ideal for a day game or planned tailgate. As out-of-towners who flew into Dallas with no grill, we'd have to settle for whatever food we could find inside.

Credit: Some visitor's bureau I bet. I'm not sure who deserves the credit here.

As we entered the stadium, our first stop was the Rangers Hall of Fame. I grew up a Nolan Ryan fan and hoped to see a lot from him. There were some cool items that The Pony Express had worn at one point but overall, the Hall of Fame was really lacking. With a group of baseball fans, we tried to identify what players deserved to be included and quickly came to realize why the Hall of Fame was so poor.

There simply aren't many good players to have worn the Rangers 'T' ball-cap.

Nolan Ryan
Ivan Rodriguez

That would explain why players like Ruben Sierrra (a lifetime .268 hitter) are a part of this hall of fame. Other brain-busters included Darryl Hamilton (career .291 hitter who only spent one season with Texas) and Johnny Oates (.515 winning percentage in 7 seasons in Texas).

As for the game itself, there were a number of things that were unique which caught our eye. My personal favorite was what may be the cheesiest strike out animation it was charming that you can see below.

Ballpark races have become all too common in the big leagues as well. If you don't have something interesting to race around the field, don't do it.

In the case of the Rangers, they simply shouldn't have done it. I could see some sort of cattle-themed race if they were bound and determined to have a race. Heck, a bunch of people with lassos that had to chase a steer would have been perfect.

Instead, sponsored by bottled water company Ozarka, this was the best that the brain trust in Arlington could come up with:

Yep, they're just dots. Green. Blue. And Red. Because dots and Rangers go together like... umm...

In terms of food, a number of the concession areas were closed on this particular dark and rainy night. I assume that was because of the lackluster attendance of the game. Still, there was I'd say an "average" diversity of choices available when it came to actual food to eat.

At Globe Life Park, the signature item is "The Boomstick", a two-foot long hotdog that Prince Fielder refuses to eat. (He's vegan... or vegetarian... no wonder he's hurt).

Beer, on the other hand, was a bit lacking. Sure, there is a "Beers of Texas" stand in right field but aside from that, there really was no craft beer haven that ballparks are now becoming famous for. At about $10 per beer, you definitely won't want to come in sober if that's your thing...

While I'm critical Texas Rangers tradition and game day marketing initiatives, the ballpark itself is a beauty and worth checking out. Even if you get caught there on a night like we did with considerable mist falling from the sky and a night that dipped below 60-degrees in Dallas, which is pretty unusual in September.

Overall Rank: 4 Nolan Ryan Beef Hot Dogs Out of 5.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Apple, Celebrity Nude Leak, and This Boring Life

You knew it wouldn't take long.

Just a day or so after celebrity nude photos leaked, it's time to attack!

Apple's security is being questioned, perhaps rightfully so but it does sound as if the user passwords were hacked rather than some sort of fundamental flaw in Apple's security infrastructure.

I guess Jennifer Lawrence shouldn't have used "HungerGames" as her iCloud password after all....

But while Apple takes heat; Guess what, there are a lot more perverts out there checking out the leaked photos that should be writing to thank Apple. In fact, most of them are my buddies.

But I know it's not just the scum of the Earth that I surround myself with.

Have you been over to the cesspool that is Tumblr lately? Here's one of the less risque photos available to you.

Because. Internet!
Perhaps the better question is - just how common are nude photos among the population as a whole?

I was young once (and still kind of am) but I don't have any nude shots on the cloud, on my phone, or on an on Betacam recorder in my attic (or do I?).

Am I just living a boring life? Shall I start insisting that my sexual conquests be better documented with photos and video?

Tumblr tells me this is Ariana Grande in some "Bang Bang" video.
In the past 24-hours I've had friends send me naked shots of Kate Upton with Justin Verlander, somebody named Kristina Grande (is that the "fancy" song singer?), and somebody else I didn't recognize and didn't care to ask the name of.

I mean, if Kate Upton and Justin Verlander are taking nude shots with each other, surely I have enough free time that it's time to bring a camera into the bedroom, right?

On a personal note, since I took him with a pretty high draft pick in fantasy baseball, are the nude shots of Kate Upton just Justin Verlander's way of attempting to make up for the fact that his E.R.A ballooned to 4.64 this season from 3.63 last year?